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a simple run of chords;

word the unravelling of our minds

10/18/08 09:36 pm - Please Girl Act Right

Could you blame me? Iago; 'Touch me not so near.' The only damn line I remember from shakespeare's othello applies to myself and not exams, Alevels 1, yt 0. I haven't drawn doodled in years. (Alevels 2, yt 0, this is not part of schedule you know) Could you blame me? I was going to disappear, and this gave me my breath back. Miss wood, mrs wood, and little miss wood are all afraid of what's before them.(they are wood for a reason, bark for hearts.) Could you blame me?







Current Music: Strumming of my guitar..hahahahaha

10/17/08 01:40 am - Window glass

No day is a salad day. I wish I had dreams you can comprehend better but the underlying reasons for its surreal quality is unknown to myself even..I was in a shophouse perhaps one abandoned, one can hardly not acknowledge its state of disrepair, my family was waiting at the car, outside. I was in the washroom, of this shophouse, to wear my contact lenses. I was also walking around topless and random strangers looked in through windows and all I had was a small pathetic towel which I put to good use(of course) The strangers were larger than life, with half their faces filling up each window glass. Peering, half squinting, into a dollhouse? and I shan't bother to decipher what that means. And then, I was facing my own reflection, there were grime spots on the glass. Fished my lens case from my pocket, and then my left lens out of the case. My left lens unfurled, it unfurled into this enormity of a butterfly resembling an intricate 3D model of satin ribbons. And without flinching a bit I held the butterfly between my forefinger and thumb, and tried to fit it into my eye. The thought: 'It is possible, but I've forgotten how.' was ringing in my head.
----

(The right lens was normal-sized, and lens-like.)

And all was actually wholly forgotten! Do you hate forgetting dreams like I do? I was at the sink wearing my contact lenses this thursday afternoon when it all came back. It seemed like something special. Butterfly tamed by two fingers, to be forcibly fit into my left eye. If I could paint, I'd paint it. :)
Current Music: Who am i? -
Current Mood: awake

10/12/08 02:24 pm - A little birdy told me you you left me so you 'could fuck around'

Lonely Lessons. Could possibly translate into deriving strength stemming, not, from others. On to a briiighter note, As is still a huge fuck my head still spins when I get up onto my feet too quickly I need to devote more time 2 prepn 4 exmz, need to stop spending on whatever my bottomlesspitofastomach fancies. Basically anything edible. Today marks a rather postponed end to my 2-day break, a graduation gift to myself.....I am not so Gung ho about math, but was I ever
Current Music: Love in a vacuum
Current Mood: groggy

10/6/08 09:58 pm - it's october, it's not autumn

Do or die or die in battle! A must-have-mindset for A levels. I travelled on 4 buses today, 1 of which I boarded without thinking. Funny how it brought me to where I needed to be. Perhaps with a mind incapable of thought, living becomes a viable option. (Another path clears of that tangle of poison ivy) I need to: lock up all mental ramblings in a memory drawer/vanquish every wisp of a thought permanently. The former, I think? My sentimentality opposes, violently, to any form of...disposal. Sometimes I frighten even myself with all that silence in me.
Current Music: -
Current Mood: discontent

9/29/08 01:12 am - Going doesn't mean gone

I'm a leopard. Catwoman with one life, many chances. I'm a pigeon with salt puddle burdens, I can't fly. Bound to those who wished I stayed but, I'm going to places. Maps will fail to tell you where.
Current Music: Dawn - Ingride
Current Mood: apathetic

9/11/08 11:53 pm - Engaged to smile

Since I haven't felt this way in ages, why have the firing of neurons sent these evil, evil transmissions to where it is (still) vulnerable (?) Our chapter has dwindled to the occasional sentence, we can hardly bother ourselves with the chore of Remembering, anymore! The ink in the pen has dried we lost the pen actually we just don't wish to pick up the damned pen, why write something encompassing little truth, and was going to be forgotten anyway, right? spell h-u-r-t, spell d-o-n-e, I wish words were letters landing together by chance. Don't come back, I wouldn't know what to do with you.
Current Music: I Can Tell - Saosin
Current Mood: indescribable

8/26/08 08:20 pm - Toooosh

   Ammentalbegentle     says:
cant it
   Ammentalbegentle     says:
stick out and 'flow' into your BEHIND-PALM
   Ammentalbegentle     says:
what is it called .HAHAHAHA you know your palm, the flip side of it
underwhelmed says:
HAHAHAHAHA

I remember being afraid of Gerard growing too frail by the time I decide to have you inked into my skin too, ha-ha-ha I may still murmur to and stroke the sparrows to keep them alive. But every digit has to be scratched out, of course. I don't wish you well, & when songs play the artist in my head draws every face but yours. It is rather, unsettling. (truth is, it strikes me now how wrong it was, insisting you assume the identity of My True Love.) Prelims upset me, yet Indifference > Upset. ughrhfh. The next time, this will be about someone else.

8/21/08 08:02 pm - So easily

Guess who watched the Espys today, guess who teared when the video of Black Powers was played? omffff whadda sap.. We are glad about danger being surgically removed from the streets. (Have you heard, about its recent relocation? It lurks in our hearts instead.) And I <3 Black Powrrr cuss no one deserves oppression of that degree. Here's a googled photograph of two black-gloved heroes, omg I'm trying to stifle desires of purchasing my own pair haaha:


Current Mood: impressed

8/20/08 10:36 pm - Cry

Cry
Current Music: Can't Cry
Current Mood: cold

8/17/08 03:37 pm - Lucky we're in love, in every way




My eyelids are apart, my lips are, we are




Current Music: Lucky - jason mraz ft. colbie caillat

8/6/08 05:10 pm




DUUUUDE guess what I got today! Earphones(at long last) Shorts Pants Top Slippers. poor mummy tries so hard to keep a smile on my face......so, something else I got today: My will to be just fine, finer without you, PRICELESS (capitals when I mean it, right darling? remember how you fucked up?) smooches to all, get geekin'




Current Music: Over In Time - Leona Lewis
Current Mood: crazy

8/3/08 01:35 am - a fire a fire




Singfest A vacant affair! beads of, sweat. so much sun in the shade, M-sized shirt ditched for L-sized, bacaarrrddddii with coke/sprite? breezer is limited to 2 flavours, only peach/orange. red bull. napkin, your handphone number. oh.. no thanks.. how do I open this bottle? how do I find the ice? how do I leave you behind



(you open this bottle with a barplate, you find the ice as water, you must leave him behind because he is begging for it, and you give him everything he asks for.)




Current Music: I'm burning, I'm burning
Current Mood: blank

7/27/08 04:21 am - dawns upon




My wish: to be sound asleep under silver leaves.




I found a most darling treasure. Most surprisingly, in great expectations! with all due respect Mr Dickens i find your book almost impossible to read without harbouring a continuous thought of disposing of it. it is this line, 'his heart's best blood'



his heart's best blood. i have repeated it (in my head) many times.




Current Music: I must have purpose So I stop and breathe
Current Mood: sleepy

7/19/08 11:32 pm - it bothers me in fancier ways




Time spent at downtown east well spent! (though most of it was shut-eye, curse this body for caving in to sleepy temptations way too easily) Eastpointing girlfs, equally smashing. So as I am faced with having a not-so-smashing time at home now, I shouldn't be left with only myself to talk to, right? New earcandy will definitely elevate this new-found oppressed state x1000




If I have you on msn, jolly well hand over your best songs. Pronto, I say
'jolly well' has four Ls in it, there's quite a feat for 9 letters

:]





Current Mood: KO tired

7/16/08 06:09 pm - hoooooooooowdy boooooo..ks

I need to studyyy so baaaaaadlyyyyyy 4 months of efforts to make up for the year plus of reckless play. The 8 months of hols following As will be a bonus for good girls! Hurray, emerge from behind your books, sins await you. whadddaaafuck okk I need to study. This can't be more official, egg me on will you! Lets trip!
Current Mood: stressed

7/16/08 05:08 pm - I will always consider myself hurt

Faith can be broken in its entirety, so completely. One of the things i find strange, so I look for answers and find only birdsnear my window. I propose a question, it is one you already expect. Will you love me longer than the days you have lived? Longer than the days my grandmother has lived? 'Yes, of course' That means you are hoping you will be as sure as you were today a year from now. I'd stop the flow of questions like a thin river in a vein approaching pebbles. Because you tire of questions easily, you tire of my undying disbelief. I tire of people who never knows-knows anything with an unparalleled certainty (that includes you & myself)

I have always run from everyone, but you. Yet now with my hand in yours we only struggle and wonder if life alone was so bad. My faith was broken in its entirety, so completely.

I propose another question, can faith be coaxed into breathing again? Perhaps I should build it to be broken again, steadily. Brick by brick, love is an erosion.

(Have you noticed how my words are always littered with 'you's and 'I's, as if the world revolves around us. It doesn't! Stupid bad habits.)

Current Mood: blank

7/5/08 03:51 pm - retracing

A dead end frightens the ones who encounter it. it gives them pause. they do stall for time in their numbed skulls (you can try, just once more, alright?) and toy around with fading visuals of the long route they were sure they'd seen - These people turn to leave with a heart swollen with disappointment, these people don't ever come back.

Current Music: Cobrastyle
Current Mood: contemplative

6/3/08 04:52 pm - Blaze'd

so many emotions-laden entries about CJ Dance Concert in cyber space,

it feels awfully funny (in a zero-humour way) how we don't get to think the following thoughts anymore:
____________________

. it's only ____ days before 31st and we have ____ songs left O.M.G

. xuehui is trying to suppress helpless laughter

. ryan's brows are permanently knitted together

. noo. he's just frowning at the not too fantastic run we just had

. ryan looks like he's on the verge on walking out on us.

. ryan's squishing his face with his hands, almost there now.

. okay he just asked a question OMG not one of those questions again

. 1)someone please open your damnd mouth and answer quick / 2) I better open my damnd mouth and answer quick

. Whoa hoh ryan just walked out on us :(

. do you know it's only ____ days before 31st and we have no costumes?

. wahlauuuuu dinner from 7/11, this is NOT happeningggg

. okay cj we can do this, cmon lets put our hearts into this!

. BOOTS BOOTS, LONGER, BLACKER. WHERE DO I FIND BOOTS LAH

. do you know it's our concert tomorrow and You can't remember the new choreo?

. do you know it's our concert today and I can't remember the new choreo?

. I'm going to miss this when it's all over.

. there isn't gnna be a show on 31st

. I can't disappoint ryan, xuehui, i can't let the team down.

. why is it that after our makeup it looks as if ryan & xuehui tag-teamed to take turns punching us in both eyes?

. It's tonight

. there is going to be a show- Ours.

The night we had our first full dress (aka the worst full dress ryan has even seen in his dancing career), when we had to prolong our session till way past midnight, i distinctly remember feeling Happy. it's surprising how i didn't hesitate about staying to dance, not the leassssst bit. The white clock ticks towards dawn, our feet hasn't ceased their motion.

thank you every cj dancer, thank you cj dance tchrs-in-charge, thank you ryan xuehui. 

we've Blaze-d. also, we have officially been deprived of the chance to think those same terrifying thoughts any more. This is sick, this is a slow torturous longing to dance again, alongside the other CJ dancers. please, don't stop the music. it made me feel so real.

:(

Current Music: was it worth it
Current Mood: crushed

5/10/08 01:33 pm - Our little wishing game

I wish you were still in love with me 
I wish you were still in love with me
I wish you were still in love with me
I wish you were still in love with me 
I wish you were still in

I can't wish it 5 times. do you remember our little wishing game? I make 5 same wishes, & you will have to make my wish come true. If I wished something for 5 times and you didn't help fulfil my wishes, it signifies that you no longer love me. our little wishing game. I am not going to wish it 5 times. I will not do so and risk breaking my heart(again.)

Current Mood: hurt

4/13/08 04:45 pm - until it's enough in my terms

 we can assume love has quantity, 1 ounce of love, 1/2 a pinch, a pint on days the sun shines brighter. but dare you venture into the realms of 'quality' & 'expiry dates', dare you let it stricken you with the fear and inspire trembles in your knees. don't you feel afraid they'd leave you, all of them. you do, don't you?

i was rudely roused from sleep by the tickling of a spider's eight legs, it made me wonder - what gave me the bravery? to fall asleep, eyes (behind eyelids) trained on the sky & its stars, at suicide valley. it most likely is infested with the creepy crawliezZ that scare me so much. the journey of Spidey away from its home, into my home, was probably my doing. was it recklessness, or a steady security

I don't want to take your heart
And I don't want a piece of history
No I don't want to read your thoughts anymore.
(it's already over, if you stayed here you'd only make me cry) bye-bye

__
i'm a glutton, srsly. tell-tale signs!

1.when my dad rang to say he was getting me boon tong kee (?) chicken rice for dinner i brightened up immediately like OMG OKAY! YAYZZ \o/ 
2.when i received his call, i was on another of my to-the-condensed-milk-jar-we-go expeditions, licking away happily.
[TEASPOON OF CONDENSED MILK CLATTERS ONTO THE FLOOR, FORGOTTEN] 

not just any chicken rice, it's hella dreamy. does food have the same effect on you as it has on me? (shocks of unadulterated joy) geeezzzuuussss.

:D
Current Music: Already Over - Orson
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